ICT was a pleasant break from the drudgery that is sample preparation (read: SPE and HPLC/MS/UV ALL DAY LONG. darn those 2ml vials). when and where else can i get to see so many people at the same place and time, without putting in any effort to contact them? kudos to the SAF for that. :) that being said, it was a pretty mild session, almost like SGC Chalet if only there wasnt that much admin to settle the first time round. maybe next time might be better. dun regret volunteering for the first session but highly unlikely to be able to attend the next. hopefully i can still MR tgt and not have to fight 2 ATECs to replace that missed hi-key. damn.

now that it's over, it feels like im thrown back into the wild again. in there, you work the system, stick by the rules and you're gd to go. everything's strangely familiar, you dun even expect some ppl to deviate from their recalcitrant behaviour. back to real life, the boundaries are constantly changing and the rules are always evolving. there are just too many things to consider. like right now, i dont know what im studying so hard for. sure, i enjoy my chemistry but why do i have to slog it out on that curve? i suppose there's some satisfaction in beating the curve but lately ive been wondering why am i doing what im doing. is it too late now? i really cant imagine myself blending into that sophomoric, amorphous crowd that throngs Jurong East every morning, analysing water samples every day till im too old to take the train. there must be something out there that i want, but what?

i want to take refuge in the past, because it is comforting and familiar. i know exactly what will happen when. but that is impossible. and i find it increasingly difficult to forge ahead because i am already so weary, so sick and tired of patterns repeating themselves. what will it all culminate in and when? something that i am wandering towards aimlessly, hoping that it catches me before i fall of the precarious balance.

and so ive started my internship. spent my first 2 days preparing samples in the lab. was momentarily excited with all those high tech equipment and particularly amused by the Buchi rotovaps. but it soon wore off after awhile. do i really want to do this for 6 years? hmmm. then i thot that i'd want to be a mad scientist, so that i can meet the superhero who comes and stop me. :p